Psychiatrist at Peking University: The mental health of teenagers is probably at the worst moment since the reform and opening up...北大精神科医生：青少年的心理健康, 恐怕到了改革开放以来最糟糕的时刻…
I have been engaged in mental health work for the past few decades, especially the 12 years I have worked in Peking University, mainly doing psychological intervention for Peking University students.
01
There is a problem with the water in the pond
No matter how long the fish grows, there will be problems
Let me tell you some basic data.
According to the national health psychological survey conducted by the Chinese Academy of Sciences, the detection rate of depression among middle school students is 24.7%, and one quarter of the children have depression symptoms.
According to an epidemiological survey conducted by the National Health Commission, 17.5% of children and adolescents have psychological and mental disorders.
According to a study conducted by Nanjing Brain Hospital, the incidence of non-suicidal self-injury among middle school students across the country is as high as 27%.
These data show that serious mental health problems are attacking the youth group. It is no longer an isolated problem. The proportion has reached a quarter or even higher. What is the reason for the problem?
One of my basic points of view, this really needs the attention of the whole society. (Because) every family has children, and children are our most important people.
For example, in 2015, the smog across the country was very serious, and the smog would directly lead to a soaring incidence of respiratory diseases and even cancer. I saw a document yesterday that the average concentration of PM2.5 in smog increased by 10%. The incidence of esophageal cancer has increased by 18%. Therefore, if the smog is not properly controlled, it is obviously not enough to rely on doctors to treat respiratory diseases.
In my 26 years of practice, the problems of children and adolescents have become more and more serious. This cannot be solved by adding psychiatrists. This is a drop in the bucket.
When there is a problem with the water in a pond, no matter how long the fish in the pond grow, there may be problems.
I believe that every parent has the feeling that the children nowadays are really unhappy. Now, there is a strange phenomenon in adolescent education: although we can meet the material needs of children, the children seem to be less and less happy.
Children's scores are getting higher and higher, but their learning motivation is getting lower and lower, and their creativity is getting worse.
When I was in class at Peking University, I felt that our classrooms were getting quieter, students were getting better at writing notes, and their homework was getting more and more beautiful, but I rarely saw unique insights, and the courage to challenge teachers and authorities .
I'm just going to talk about a very typical thing that I have experienced. Two years ago, I taught a course called "Psychological Trauma Therapy" at Peking University, and students would have two weeks of trial listening time. Two weeks later, a student came to me and asked me, he said, Mr. Xu, I think your class is very rewarding, the lecture is very good, and the knowledge is very wide, because it talks about the historical trauma of human beings.
I said, I welcome you to choose this course. But his next question made me very angry. He said, Mr. Xu, did you score high in this course? My final grade is very important, if you give me a low score, I will not choose your course, because it will affect my grade point.
The reason I am angry is, do you go to the best university, you can listen to the best teacher's class, and the best things you get are not important, but the score that matters? Scores are the least important thing, but why children put so much importance on academic performance is an increasingly common phenomenon.
Our learning conditions are getting better and better, but children's weariness of learning is becoming more and more common.
Take the parents of Haidian as an example. Haidian can be said to be the most advanced district in education in the country. We tried our best to buy a school district house for our children and attend expensive cram schools, but the children resented, refused, and even turned against their parents. The harder the parents work, the worse the parent-child relationship will be.
In the past few years, we have conducted more than ten discussions and nearly a hundred interviews with directors of education bureaus, principals, and teachers across the country. I have done at least tens of thousands of hours of psychological counseling for thousands of children. Walking into their inner world, I found that the children are getting more and more miserable, the teachers are getting more and more tired, and the parents are getting more and more anxious. No matter how hard you try, the children will not cooperate, and everything will be lost. We are still in a state of more involution and friction.
In this regard, I want to talk about three things.
02
academic pressure
More and more children lie flat and quit
Today's children study hard, are tired of school, and have a lot of homework.
I have a deep feeling that the whole society is very anxious. From a psychiatrist's point of view, we all have generalized anxiety, some unfounded worry, and excessive worry about things that haven't happened. We are always afraid that the child will lose everything if he makes a careless move, and his life will be ruined.
Now the senior high school entrance examination is more stressful than the college entrance examination, and the senior high school entrance examination has to be diverted. If a child cannot go to high school, his life will be ruined. Children feel that life is not happy, because he has no time to be happy, and even feels that life is meaningless. All his time is given to study, homework, and exams. More and more children began to lie down and quit.
My daughter was in her third year of high school. She cried a lot the day before yesterday, and her grades were not satisfactory. Compared with her good friends, my daughter has not improved much. I talked to her about 12 o'clock last night.
I would like to ask parents three questions:
Will our love for our own flesh and blood be less because she didn't get into the ideal school in the end?
Can you accept that your child is not as good as you?
Can we accept that our children are not as educated as I am, their grades are not as good as mine, and their income is not as much as mine. Are they not as good as us in this generation?
Imagine such a scenario, if the child can go to Qingbei as long as his academic performance is good, I am willing to turn against him, are you willing?
I believe that everyone is unwilling. But in psychological counseling, I found that whether it is a middle school student or a college student, there are too many such situations.
03
Parent-child conflict:
Today's kids have changed, and parents haven't kept up
What I especially want to tell you is that parents are eager to seek swords. What is the most typical manifestation of this "cut boat and seek sword"?
Just mentioned, can we accept that our children are not as good as us, but you have to understand how to say "not as good", it must be higher education, better academic performance than you, and earn more money than you, is it that one generation is worse than the other?
One of my basic observations is that people of our generation did, through their own efforts, enter colleges from rural areas and cities, go to prestigious schools, and even study for a Ph. , we are quite satisfied with our own life, and then we have ideas, hoping that our children can copy our success, but can life be copied? Times have changed dramatically.
Once there was a visitor, a high school girl, who went to the roof of the school building twice, which was very dangerous. After we rescued her, we did a family counseling session.
As soon as the family sat down, they began to quarrel. The content was, what is happiness?
The parents of those born in the 60s are professors at a university in Beijing. Their answer is that if you eat well and dress warmly, you will be happy in life.
As soon as the child heard this, she became anxious, "No wonder you think that I don't know how to be blessed when I am in the midst of blessings. You think that you should be happy if you have enough food and warm clothes. I am not happy about it at all!" Because she has never Lost, never lacked these things.
She said, "My happiness is very simple and has nothing to do with money. I hope to have an equal and respectful dialogue with my parents."
After she finished speaking, her parents were also anxious and said, "Why do we treat you unequal, disrespectful, and undemocratic? We are terribly democratic, and you have to make decisions on everything we do. What else can we do?"
The child turned the parents back with one sentence, leaving the parents speechless. She said: "You let me make a decision, but if my ideas don't match yours, you will definitely persuade me to accept your argument, so you It’s all fake democracy, I’ve known this for a long time, so every time I guess what you think and I’ll give you the answer, but it’s not my decision, it’s not my life, it’s not my life.”
When parent-child conflict occurs, what is the most wronged thing for parents? ——I designed the best path for him, and I gave him the best things, why didn't he want it? Why did he make that mistake, try that mistake?
I answered the parents in this way: the biggest capital of young people is that they can make mistakes, you just let him make one mistake, he just wants to do this thing, maybe you think this is not the best choice, but it is his choice.
I would rather choose an option that I want than the best option someone else has arranged for me. The more you arrange and control, the more disgusted he is, the more he feels that this is not my life, and it is not my life, and I can stop it at any time.
A person needs to have many things to support himself. In addition to academic performance, interpersonal relationships, sports, labor, and friends are all great wealth in life. If all these things are unimportant and all that matters is the score, we will narrow our path.
Why is the child hollow? Because I feel that life is worthless and meaningless. Because we don't give our children the best things, they even deny and demean themselves because of this.
04
What can parents do best for their children?
Peking University students have to do mental health education every year when they enter school.
I have found that the most difficult idea to convey is patriotism. Why patriotism, what is our relationship with the country and the nation?
We may feel that what we have now is the result of our own efforts.
But don't forget that we are building on the foundation of national rejuvenation and national prosperity in the past forty years. Because the country is getting stronger and stronger, everyone's good life will be guaranteed.
What is culture? People's hearts are in danger, and Dao's heart is weak.
What is Dao Xin, Confucius clearly explained: The way of learning lies in Ming Mingde.
What is Matilda? Mencius further explained, what is the core concept of Confucian culture? It is benevolence, what is benevolence? The heart of compassion is the end of benevolence.
Therefore, altruistic behavior, people are inherently good and altruistic, can help others, can contribute to the country and the nation, this thing is a huge self-affirmation, no need to be taught, it will be humane. Wang Yangming said that a benevolent person is the heart of heaven and earth. This is a huge difference between Chinese and Western cultures.
Chinese culture believes that people are born with a conscience.
But why is our child hollow now? Why are they anxious, depressed, self-denying.
Professor Yan Liangshi of Hunan Normal University and I cooperated to study the relationship between conscience and emptiness among middle school students and college students, and found that conscience has eight hearts: gratitude, filial piety, responsibility, right and wrong, compassion, shame, and forgiveness Heart, honesty.
We should educate our children to have these eight hearts. This is the instinct and wisdom of being a human being.
Our children are unhappy because we are doing the opposite. Family education and school education should return to learning as adults, calling and helping our children upgrade their minds.
Now the material is getting better and better, and the country is getting better and better. The next step is to make all people become more and more noble and beautiful people.
05
The Way to Crack the Mental Illness of Contemporary Adolescents
I think this affects every family and everyone, so we must use the determination and thinking to control the smog to control the sick environment of education.
Learning cannot talk about competition. This sentence was said by Mr. Gu Mingyuan, the honorary president of the Chinese Society of Education and from Beijing Normal University, which benefited me a lot. We are now overly competitive and have lost our original intention of education. Examinations are for better learning and mastering knowledge, not for final academic performance. Studying is only for the exam, and you will get tired of studying in the end.
To reduce children's stress, deal with parents' anxiety first. It is found in clinical practice that parents are often more anxious than their children, and the transmission of anxiety by parents to their children is the most important reason for their children's problems.
Let me summarize what parents should not do:
First, parents must not give their children their anxiety and pressure.
Second, don't involve children in relationship problems. If there is a disagreement in the relationship between husband and wife, you should resolve it yourself, and don't let your child be a sandwich biscuit.
Third, don't just give money without love.
Fourth, don't overprotect, spoil your children, or break the rules.
Fifth, don't use grades as the only criterion for judging your child.
Parents must do:
First, accompany children to grow up and enjoy the role of parents.
Second, our wealth is to give children more freedom of choice. We must pay attention to protecting children's creativity, enthusiasm for learning and life, not academic performance.
We often force children out of anxiety and depression because of academic performance, but the most important thing is his lifelong enthusiasm for learning, love for life and creativity.
Now that ChatGPT is very popular, will we humans be replaced by AI? I have also discussed with many first-class experts. You know that the most unlikely thing for human beings to be replaced is creation out of nothing. We must cultivate children's gratitude and enthusiasm for exploring the world, and not be destroyed by grades.
Third, listen to your child. There are both education and rules, as well as understanding and respect. We must understand that their world is much different from ours, so we must listen to our children.
Finally, behave in the world and practice what you do. Professor Qian Liqun, a famous professor at Peking University, once made such an assertion that today's colleges and universities are cultivating refined egoists, who are villains in terms of Confucian culture. Because we have not raised our children to be gentlemen, I think our family education should cultivate our children to be gentlemen that our culture recognizes.
01. More and more students suffer from "hollow heart disease"
I work in a university and am a psychiatrist, a school counselor, and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. In addition to providing counseling services to students in colleges and universities, my very important work is suicide prevention and crisis intervention. So my next topic may be a little heavy.
This is a case I have come across. A very excellent student can become an excellent scientist and scholar with his intelligence, personality, and emotional intelligence in dealing with people.
But we worked hard with his parents and all his teachers for four years, but in the end we still couldn't make him really get better.
I have experienced many such cases in the past three or four years, and there are more and more cases, which reminded me of a word called "hollow heart disease".
What does "hollow heart disease" mean? I have obtained the consent of some typical case visitors, and read to everyone some of the words they wrote and said to me:
"I felt like I was on an island torn apart and didn't know what I was doing, what I was going to get, and I felt fear from time to time. In 19 years, I have never lived for myself, and I have never lived."
A top student in the college entrance examination said this after a failed suicide attempt:
"Study well and work well is the basic requirement. If I study well and work well enough, I can't live. But it doesn't mean that I am happy because I study well and work well. I don't know why I want to live. I always I am not satisfied and always want to do better in all aspects, but this kind of life seems to have no head.”
This is another student's description. There are many more such examples:
"My world is a lawn full of mist. There is a well on the lawn, but I don't know where it is, so I may accidentally fall into it while walking. At the bottom of the dark well, I broke my leg and shouted desperately, I felt like I had no ego at all. It was all so hard."
What they have in common, as they told me:
I don't know who I am, I don't know where I've been, where is my ego, I feel like I've never been in this world, I've been living for someone else for the past 19, 20 years, I I don't know what kind of person I want to be.
02. Not just students hollow out
In July this year, my wife and daughter were on vacation in Mauritius. At about 14:00 Beijing time, one of my college students sent me a WeChat message, which read:
"I have a bottle of magic potion in my hand now, and I don't know how it tastes."
He was a suicidal student, so I rushed to reply. I asked him what kind of water it was, and he told me it was potassium cyanide, which kills in ten seconds.
This is the longest-distance crisis intervention I have ever carried out. Of course, this child was rescued and he is a very good student.
In May of this year, one day when I was in evening class, an off-campus psychological counselor called and said that a visitor was a student who seemed to have committed suicide by taking poison in the dormitory. I asked what was going on, started the crisis intervention program, found this classmate in the dormitory, and sent him to the hospital for rescue.
I have known him for 4 years and he was very good when he entered the school. In the first semester after entering Peking University, he was the first in the college, but just in that semester, even before that semester, he had the experience of attempting suicide.
He was originally a particularly good kid who could do a good job in academics and scientific research. In the past four years, our psychological counseling center, his parents and the teachers of the department have tried their best to bring him back on track. For four years, he was hospitalized, took medicine, and all treatments were exhausted, but he still had no business. In the end, his parents decided to let him give up his studies and drop out of school to go home.
When I heard this news, I was very sad. I've seen a lot of really good kids, and the ones I'm talking about now are the best students in prestigious schools, many of them have serious mental health problems, and even tried to give up their lives repeatedly.
There is an excellent doctoral student in science and engineering who completed his research in his second year and reached the doctoral level. This is what his supervisor told me. He tried repeatedly to give up his life. He was hospitalized twice, took all the drugs, all the treatments for electric convulsions.
When I was discharged from the hospital, I asked him how he was doing, and he said that the psychiatrist was childish and ridiculous. If I acted happier, they thought it would be fine if I was depressed.
What I want to say is that he is not an ordinary depression, but a very serious new condition. I call it "hollow heart disease".
We often say that if a child has a problem, probably the family and the teacher have the problem, and the child itself will have no problem.
03. What is "hollow heart disease"?
"Empty heart disease" is a more vivid term, maybe I can tentatively call it "psychological barriers caused by value defects."
Hollow heart disease looks like depression, low mood, loss of interest, and anhedonia. If you go to a psychiatric hospital, you will definitely be diagnosed with depression, but the problem is that all drugs are ineffective.
Let’s take a look at the main manifestations of "hollow heart disease". It cannot be regarded as a very strict diagnostic standard, but it is a common feature that I have continuously summed up through contact with such students in the past three or four years. They are often very good children. Or the "good boy" in people's eyes.
1. In terms of symptoms, it may be in line with the diagnosis of depression.
It can manifest as depressed mood, loss of interest, and anhedonia. But unlike typical depression, all these symptoms are not very serious and prominent, so the appearance may not be different from other classmates or most other people.
2. They experience strong feelings of loneliness and meaninglessness.
This kind of loneliness comes from as if there is no real connection with the world and the people around them, and all connections become very illusory; more importantly, they don't know why they want to live, and they don't know the value and meaning of living. What.
They have achieved very good grades and achievements that seem to be an addiction, a drug. They seem to spend a lot of time living, studying and working hard for a sense of fulfillment.
But when he found that all those things were obtained, his heart was still empty, and he felt a strong sense of meaninglessness.
3. Usually the interpersonal relationship is good.
They are very concerned about what others think of them, and they need to maintain a good self-image in the eyes of others, and they need to be a good child, good student, good husband, and good wife.
But it seemed like all of this was being done for someone else, so it was very hard work and very exhausting.
4. Not sensitive to biological treatment, or even ineffective.
We have many cases, treated in the best psychiatric hospital in China, used all the drugs, and even used electric shock therapy, once, twice, three times, but none of them worked, which means that it seems that biological factors are not the cause major factor in their problems.
5. Have suicidal ideation.
This kind of suicidal idea is not due to the difficulties, pains and setbacks in reality. In their words, it is "I don't want to die so much, but I don't know why I still live. I don't know the value of my life at all. What is it, the walking dead of life every day, if so, it might as well end sooner."
So they tend not to end themselves in such painful and tragic ways, such as burning charcoal, hanging themselves, and taking medicine.
6. It has not been a day or two for these visitors to have such problems.
He may have been confused like this since junior high school, high school, or even earlier, and he may have attempted suicide before.
7. Finally, traditional psychotherapy is not effective.
Their problems probably cannot be solved by changing negative cognitions, or even by studying the problems of their original family, not by early trauma - you will find that they have a good relationship with their parents, although there are conflicts of one kind or another , but generally not the typical parental divorce, early attachment, early foster care issues.
As psychiatrists, we have a good trump card, that is, if any depressed patient is treated with electroconvulsive therapy, he can recover quickly in a short period of time, but electroconvulsive therapy is useless for hollow heart disease.
They have a strong sense of loneliness and meaninglessness. They have been the best and most well-behaved students since they were young. They also need to be praised by others, but they have strong suicidal thoughts. Go on, what is the value and meaning of living, so they will use a more gentle way, and of course give us a chance to rescue him.
However, the core problem is the lack of values to support its sense of meaning and existence.
I have done a statistic that 30.4% of first-year freshmen at Peking University, including undergraduates and postgraduates, dislike study or think that study is meaningless. Please note that this is the winner of the college entrance examination battlefield.
There are also 40.4% of the students who think that living life is meaningless. I am only living according to other people's logic. The most extreme thing is to give up on myself.
So we come back to a very ultimate question: why do people live? What is the meaning of life? What is the most important thing for us?
Their situation is not new. They will tell me that I have had such doubts since I was in junior high school, and it is only now that I have made the decision to end my life. Traditional western medicine and psychotherapy have no effect on them.
At this time, for a crisis interventionist, a psychological counselor, or thousands of parents, and educators, we are also facing unprecedented challenges.
We also have to face the same question, that is, what is the value and meaning of life, do we have it in our hearts? If we don't have them, how do we give them?
04. Anxiety Economics
Let's take a look at the current situation in China. I use a word from anxiety economics.
I do think that the way of spending money blindly will make people anxious, collapsed, and fearful. This is probably a feature of our era.
Let's take a look at the prevalence of mental disorders in China. In the 1980s and 1990s, only 1 out of 100 Chinese people suffered from mental disorders, and this figure had reached 17.5% by 2005. There are 1,000 people here, and 180 of us here should go to Anding Hospital , should see a doctor, and may not be optimistic.
How did the Chinese mental disorders become so bad? In fact, we don't have any biological diseases, and the incidence of schizophrenia remains the same all the time. Over the past 30 years, something has grown, anxiety and depression, anxiety and depression.
We can take a look at this data. The incidence rate of anxiety disorders was about 1% to 2% in the 1980s, and now it is 13%. The data I am using now are published by the World Health Organization in the highest medical journals. , data from the National Epidemic Hospital Survey.
At least 13 out of every 100 Chinese are suffering from anxiety disorders. Even worse is the incidence of depressive disorders.
I have been a psychiatrist for 20 years. When I first became a psychiatrist, the incidence of mental disorders and depression in Chinese was 0.05%. Now it is 6%. It has increased by 120 times in 12 years.
It's an explosive growth, and I think there's something very absurd about it. The past 30 years have been the 30 years of rapid economic development in China. The incidence of anxiety and depression has also increased rapidly. What happened?
The data shows: Americans are more depressed than we are, and their depression rate is 9.5%. The reason why I talk about the United States is because it seems that we have been greatly influenced by the United States in the past 30 years, and of course we have our own inherent culture.
Let's take a look at the current education. I'm sorry, what I'm going to say next may offend everyone. Is our education helping children grow up, or is it destroying a generation of children?
Beginning around 2000, during winter and summer vacations, a large number of students will come to the mental hospital. They are Internet addicted, anxious, compulsive, and their relationship with their parents has serious rupture problems. Parents have the courage to send their children to the mental hospital. Go, it can be seen that there is really no way to clean up.
What is our way of dealing with the problem, sending them to internet addiction schools and subjecting them to electric shocks—is that education? This is to shirk responsibility. Parents and education are the root of the problem. We don’t see the root of our problem. We only see him hiding in Internet cafes to play games. Why he hides in Internet cafes to play games is because of the failure of education.
The greatest achievement of our education seems to be students doing test papers. There is a popular saying: one point improves and kills a thousand people.
do you know? The biggest challenge for me to do psychological counseling is how to reverse the values of classmates - are the classmates around you your enemy? He is the greatest wealth in your life!
What is our classroom like? Constantly implying that the child commits suicide, and he can sacrifice his life for good grades.
The suicide rate in the whole country has dropped significantly, but the suicide rate in primary and secondary schools has increased. In this case, our children can't wait to go to college, and they start to commit suicide in elementary and middle school.
Let's take a look at what some schools are doing to deal with it? All hallways and windows have iron bars! I work in a mental hospital, which is what a mental hospital is like. My doctoral thesis was done in a prison, which is what a prison looks like.
But we have the ability to turn the school into a prison and a mental hospital, just watch these children, let them go to college, and then let him be my visitor.
05. How are refined egoists cultivated?
What I'm going to talk about next will make everyone even more frustrated.
In a preliminary investigation, I performed a family profile of the suicidal student, assessing the families from which the child came.
Children in what kind of family and what kind of occupation their parents are, are more likely to attempt suicide——primary and middle school teachers.
This is a crisis sample of 38 students, 50% of whom are from teachers' families, and the control group is children who do not have problems. Teachers' families are still very successful, among which 21% of all families come from teachers' families. The question is, why do children from teachers' families have so many problems?
In my opinion, looking at scores and ignoring even the education of students' morality, physical education, and aesthetic education has become the educational view of many teachers-they fully approve of this educational view, and implement the same or even more vigorously for their children. It is the main reason for the high incidence of mental health problems in children of teachers' families.
After the commercialization of education, Professor Qian Liqun of Peking University has a description and conclusion that I think is very accurate, and he is called an exquisite egoist.
How are refined egoists cultivated? If I were to answer this question, I would say this: We parents and teachers are refined egoists, and they learn from us.
We sometimes falsify data for a good scientific research result; we can give up our moral and ethical bottom line in order to earn money; as a doctor, we can receive red envelopes to get kickbacks; Speaking in tutoring classes...
Children, on the other hand, learn from us.
06. What is education for?
What is education for, what is school for? What is the university for?
Let me first quote the speech given by Lin Jianhua, President of Peking University, when he took office. He made an answer to this.
He said: "What kind of strength can Peking University contribute to the development of the country and the nation? What does the country and the nation need Peking University for? This is the mission of Peking University." After he finished speaking, more than 800 people in the audience burst into applause .
But we seem to have abandoned these long ago, and we think that noble things are not worth mentioning. What we need is to make money now? But the students are no longer recognized, because they are not short of money. This is the value of our society. We believe that earning money is the biggest winner in life.
There was once a student who dropped out because studying economics and management was not what he wanted at all. When he filled out the college entrance examination and wanted to study history, he was ridiculed by everyone, saying that he only studied history when his brain was flooded. Later, this classmate asked to drop out of school even though he was good at economics.
During the November holiday, I took the students to Wan'an Cemetery, because I want to find the value and meaning of life with the students. We saw a very unique tomb in the cemetery, on which was a teacher named Yin Quan. Teacher Yin Quan died unjustly during the Cultural Revolution in 1970, and she had no children.
19 years later, her students bought a cemetery for her and wrote this eulogy:
"In the past 40 years, I have followed good guidance, cultivated the community, devoted myself to teaching, and have always been consistent. I have suffered innocently and been humiliated. The teacher has been honest and innocent throughout his life, without any stains. , his sentiment and aspirations are enough to be a model for today's people."
I don't know how many of the educators present here will have such evaluation or affirmation of you at the end of their lives.
What I want to say is that education itself is a very sacred profession, but if we regard education as a tool for making a living, as a means of obtaining money, or to achieve other goals, of course this is a choice, but I will feel as if we are giving up the most important thing.
07. Pick up what was lost!
I would like to ask another question here. This is my thinking after going through these things.
When I communicate with those students with hollow heart disease, why can't they find themselves? Because their own parents and teachers failed to let them see how a person can live with dignity, value, and meaning. This is probably the root cause.
I want to ask everyone and myself: Do we respect ourselves? Do we respect our profession? Do we regard our profession as a kind of mission and calling, to appreciate the profound meaning?
Where do we spend our time and energy as parents? Have we given our children real love and companionship?
In this era of buying a basket and returning the pearl, I think we throw away a lot of things. Like babies, we only seek instant gratification. When we spend all our time and energy on earning money and fail to give our children the best companionship and love, it is no wonder that the children have no problems at this time.
Our current consultation volume has increased exponentially, 50%, 100%, and the frequency of our crisis intervention has also increased by 100%. Before children enter school, they are already desperate.
Therefore, as a psychological counselor and psychologist in colleges and universities, I appeal: really save the children! They entered colleges and universities with serious problems, and they were educated by exams, and their creativity was destroyed by education that strangled their necks.
A graduate advisor told me a true story.
He said that a student always has problems doing research, which is a very pediatric problem. The mentor talked to him and asked him why these problems occurred and what to do? This student was the first to take the written test, and he said, "Teacher, then I will copy the mistakes I made a hundred times."
A graduate student corrected his mistakes by recopying a hundred times. Our children have not grown up at all, and are still in elementary school.
What did education do? I think that no matter we are parents or teachers, we should be people worthy of the respect of students and children. We should set an example and set an example.
We want to give them the best things in the world, not points, not money, but love, wisdom, creation and happiness. Please give them a wonderful life!
我过去的几十年一直从事心理健康的工作，尤其是在北大工作的12年，主要为北大的学生做心理干预。
我们对自己亲骨肉的爱，会不会因为她最后没有考上理想的学校而因此少一分？ 你能够接受你的孩子不如你吗？ 我们能接受孩子学历没我高、成绩没我好、挣钱没我多，他们这代人不如我们吗？
01.得“空心病”的学生越来越多了
我在高校工作，是一个精神科医生，也是学校心理咨询师，临床心理学博士。我在高校除了为学生提供咨询服务之外，非常重要的工作是自杀预防和危机干预。所以我接下来的话题可能有一点沉重。
这是我曾遇到过的一个个案。非常优秀的学生，以他的智力、性格、为人处事的情商，完全可以成为一个优秀的科学家、优秀的学者。
但是我们和他父母，和他所有的老师一起努力了四年，最终还是没有能够让他真正好转起来。
这样的个案，我在过去三四年中经历了很多，而且越来越多，让我想到一个词，叫做“空心病”。
“空心病”是什么意思呢？我征得一些典型个案来访者的同意，把他们写给我、说给我的一些话，念给大家听：
“ 我感觉自己在一个四分五裂的小岛上，不知道自己在干什么，要得到什么样的东西，时不时感觉到恐惧。19年来，我从来没有为自己活过，也从来没有活过。”
一位高考状元在一次尝试自杀未遂后这样说到：
“ 学习好工作好是基本的要求，如果学习好，工作不够好，我就活不下去。但也不是说因为学习好，工作好了我就开心了，我不知道为什么要活着，我总是对自己不满足，总是想各方面做得更好，但是这样的人生似乎没有头。”
这是又一个同学的描述。这样的例子还有很多很多：
“ 我的世界是一个充满迷雾的草坪，草坪上有井，但不知道在何处，所以有可能走着路就不小心掉进去了，在漆黑的井底我摔断了腿拼命地喊，我觉得我完全没有自我。这一切好难。”
他们共同的特点，就像他们告诉我的：
我不知道我是谁，我不知道我到哪儿去了，我的自我在哪里，我觉得我从来没有来过这个世界，我过去19年、20多年的日子都好像是为别人在活着，我不知道自己是要成为什么样的人。
02.不只是学生空心了
今年7月，我和太太、女儿在毛里求斯度假，大约是北京时间14时，我的一位高校的学生给我发来一条微信，内容是：
“我现在手里有一瓶神奇的药水，不知道滋味如何。”
他是一个有自杀倾向的学生，所以我赶紧回复。我问他这是什么水，他告诉我是氰化钾，十秒钟致命。
这是我开展过的最长距离的危机干预，当然这个孩子救回来了，是一个非常优秀的学生。
今年5月，有一天我正在上晚课，一个校外的心理咨询师打来电话，说有个来访者是学生，现在好像在宿舍服毒自杀。我问清事情原委，启动危机干预程序，在宿舍里找到这个同学，把他送到医院抢救回来。
我认识他已经4年了，入校时他非常优秀。进了北大后第一个学期的成绩是学院第一名，但是就在那个学期，甚至在那个学期之前，他就有尝试自杀的经历。
他原本是一个特别优秀的，可以做很好的学术和科研的孩子。过去四年，我们心理咨询中心，他的父母还有院系的老师，都竭尽所能想把他引回正轨。四年了，住院、吃药，所有治疗手段都用尽了，他还是了无生意，最后他的父母决定让他放弃学业，退学回家。
听到这个消息的时候，我是非常痛心的。我见过很多非常优秀的孩子，我现在跟大家所说的也都是在名校中最优秀的学生们，他们中的很多都有严重的心理健康问题，甚至屡次三番尝试放弃生命。
有一个理工科的优秀博士生，在博士二年级时完成了研究，达到了博士水平，这是他导师告诉我的，他屡次三番尝试放弃自己的生命。他当时两次住院，用了所有的药物，所有电抽搐的治疗方法。
出院时，我问他现在情况怎么样，他说精神科医生很幼稚，可笑。我表现开心一点，他们以为我抑郁就好了。
我要讲的是，他不是普通的抑郁症，是非常严重的新情况，我把它叫做“空心病”，我不认为只是学生空心了，才有这样的结果。
我们经常会说这样一句话，如果孩子出了问题，大概家庭和老师都有问题，孩子本身是不会有问题的。
03.什么是“空心病”？
“空心病”是一个比较形象的说法，也许我可以把它姑且称为“价值观缺陷所致心理障碍。”
空心病看起来像是抑郁症，情绪低落、兴趣减退、快感缺乏，如果到精神科医院的话，一定会被诊疗抑郁症，但是问题是所有的药物都无效。
来看下“空心病”的主要表现，它不能算是一个非常严格的诊断标准，但却是我过去三四年间通过接触这样一些同学，不断总结出来的共同特点，他们往往是非常优秀的孩子，或者说是人们眼中的“好孩子”。
1、从症状上来讲它可能是符合抑郁症诊断的。
它会表现为情绪低落，兴趣减退，快感缺乏。但是和典型抑郁症不同的是，所有这些症状表现并不非常严重和突出，所以外表上看起来可能跟其他同学或其他大多数人并没有差别。
2、他们会有强烈的孤独感和无意义感。
这种孤独感来自于好像跟这个世界和周围的人并没有真正的联系，所有的联系都变得非常虚幻；更重要的是他们不知道为什么要活着，他们也不知道活着的价值和意义是什么。
他们取得了非常优秀的成绩和成就，这些成就似乎是一种瘾，一种毒品。他们似乎很多时间都是为了获得成就感而努力地生活、学习和工作。
但是当他发现所有那些东西都得到的时候，内心还是空荡荡，就有了强烈的无意义感。
3、通常人际关系是良好的。
他们非常在意别人对自己的看法，需要维系在他人眼里良好的自我形象，需要成为一个好孩子、好学生、好丈夫、好妻子。
但似乎所有这一切都是为了别人而做的，因此做得非常辛苦，也非常疲惫不堪。
4、对生物治疗不敏感，甚至无效。
我们有很多个案，在国内最好的精神专科医院治疗，用了所有的药物，甚至用了电休克治疗，一次、两次、三次，但是都没有效果，也就是说看起来生物因素并不是导致他们问题的主要因素。
5、有自杀意念。
这种自杀意念并不是因为现实中的困难、痛苦和挫折，用他们的话来讲就是“我不是那么想要去死，但是我不知道我为什么还要活着。我完全不知道我活着的价值意义是什么，每天的生活行尸走肉，如果是这样，还不如早点结束。”
所以他们倾向于不用那么痛苦和惨烈的方式来结束自己，比如烧炭、自缢、服药。
6、通常这些来访者出现这样的问题已经不是一两天。
可能从初中、高中，甚至更早就开始有这样的迷茫，可能他之前已经有过尝试自杀的行为。
7、最后，传统心理治疗疗效不佳。
他们的问题大概不是通过改变负性认知就可以解决的，甚至不是去研究他们原生家庭的问题，不是早期创伤可以解决的——你会发现他们和父母的关系不错，虽然也有这样那样的冲突，但是总的来说不是那种典型父母离异、早期依恋、早期寄养的问题。
作为精神科医生，我们有个拿手的杀手锏，就是任何抑郁症患者如果用电抽搐治疗，他都可以在短时间内迅速恢复，但是电抽搐治疗对空心病都没用。
他们有强烈的孤独感和无意义感，他们从小都是最好、最乖的学生，他们也特别需要得到别人的称许，但是他们有强烈的自杀意念，不是想自杀，他们只是不知道为什么活下去，活着的价值和意义是什么，所以他们会用比较温和的方式，当然也给我们机会把他救回来。
但是，核心的问题是缺乏支撑其意义感和存在感的价值观。
我做过一个统计，北大一年级的新生，包括本科生和研究生，其中有30.4%的学生厌恶学习，或者认为学习没有意义，请注意这是高考战场上，千军万马杀出来的赢家。
还有40.4%的学生认为活着人生没有意义，我现在活着只是按照别人的逻辑这样活下去而已，其中最极端的就是放弃自己。
所以我们回到一个非常终极的问题：人为什么要活着？人生的意义是什么？对于我们来说最重要的东西是什么？
他们这种情况并不是刚刚产生的，他们会告诉我，我从初中的时候就有这样的疑惑了，直到现在我才做了决定，要结束自己的生命。传统的西方的药物治疗、心理治疗对他们都没有效果。
这个时候，对于一个危机干预者，一个心理咨询师，或者千千万万的父母，和教育工作者来说，我们也面临着从未有过的挑战。
我们也同样要面对一个同样的问题，就是人生的价值和意义是什么，我们内心当中有吗？如果我们没有，我们怎么给到他们？
04.焦虑经济学
我们来看看现在中国的情况。我用了一个焦虑经济学的词。
我确实觉得能够让人去花钱，去盲目花钱的方式会把人搞焦虑，搞崩溃，搞恐惧，这大概也是我们这个时代的一个特征。
我们看一下中国人精神障碍的患病率。上世纪八九十年代，100个中国人当中只有1个人患有精神障碍，而这个数据到2005年的时候已经达到了17.5%，在座有1000个人，我们在座的应该有180人需要去安定医院，都应该看病了，而且未必能看好。
中国人精神障碍是怎么变得那么糟糕的？实际上我们并不是得了什么生物性疾病，像精神分裂症这样的发病率始终是保持不变的。在过去30年当中，什么东西变大了，焦虑和抑郁，焦虑症和抑郁症。
我们可以看一下这个数据，焦虑症的发病率，上世纪80年代，大概1%到2%的样子，现在是13%，我现在用的数据都是世界卫生组织发表在最高诊级医学刊物上，全国流行病院调查的数据。
至少每100个中国人当中，有13个人是焦虑症患者。更糟糕的是抑郁症障碍发病率。
我做了20年精神科医生，我刚做精神科医生时，中国人精神障碍、抑郁症发病率是0.05%，现在是6%，12年的时间增加了120倍。
这是个爆炸式的增长，我觉得这里面有非常荒唐的事情。过去30年是中国经济高速发展的30年，我们这样发病率，焦虑抑郁的发病率也高速发展，发生了什么？
数据显示：美国人比我们更抑郁，他们的抑郁症发病率是9.5%。我为什么要谈到美国，是因为好像过去30年我们受美国特别大的影响，当然我们有自己固有的文化。
我们来看看现在的教育，对不起，我接下来要说的话可能要得罪各位，我们的教育是在帮助孩子成长，还是在毁掉一代孩子？
大约从2000年开始，每当寒暑假的时候，大量的学生会来住精神病院，他们网络成瘾，焦虑，强迫，他们和父母关系出现了严重的破裂问题，父母有勇气把孩子送到精神病院去，可见真的没有办法收拾了。
我们的处理问题方式是什么呢，把他们送到网瘾学校，让他们接受电击的惩罚——这是教育吗？这是推卸责任，本身父母和教育是问题的根源，我们不看到自己的根源，只看到他躲到网吧去打游戏，他为什么要躲到网吧打游戏，是因为教育的失败。
我们教育的最大成就，似乎就是学生做试卷，有句流行语：提高一分干掉千人。
你知道吗？我做心理咨询最大的挑战，就是怎么把同学这样的价值观扭回来——你周围的同学是你的敌人吗？他是你人生最大的财富啊！
我们的课堂是什么样子？不断暗示孩子自杀，为了好的成绩可以不惜生命。
整个国家自杀率在大幅度下降，但是中小学自杀率却在上升。在这种情况下，我们的孩子已经等不及进大学，他们在中小学就开始有自杀行为了。
我们来看看有些学校应对的措施是什么？所有的走廊和窗户都装了铁栅栏！我在精神病院里面工作，精神病院才是这个样子。我的博士论文在监狱里做的，监狱才是这个样子。
但是我们居然有本事把学校变成了监狱和精神病院，只要看住这些孩子，让他们考上大学，然后让他成为我的来访者。
05.精致的利己主义者，是怎么培养出来的？
我接下来要谈的问题，会让大家更加沮丧。
在一个初步的调查中，我对出现自杀倾向的学生做了家庭情况分析，评估这个孩子来自于哪些家庭。
什么样的家庭、父母是什么样职业的孩子，更容易尝试自杀——中小学教师。
这是一个38名学生的危机样本，其中50%来自于教师家庭，而对照组是没有出问题的孩子。教师家庭还是很成功的，其中来自教师家庭的占到全部家庭的21%，问题是为什么教师家庭的孩子出现这么多问题？
我觉得，一切向分数看，忽视甚至对学生品德、体育、美育的教育，已经成为很多教师的教育观——他们完全认可这样的教育观，对自己的孩子也同样甚至更加变本加厉地实施，可能是导致教师家庭孩子心理健康问题高发的主要原因。
当教育商品化以后，北大钱理群教授有一个描述和论断我觉得非常准确，叫做精致的利己主义者。
精制的利己主义者是怎么培养出来的？如果让我回答这个问题，我想说的是：我们这些家长和老师都是精致的利己主义者，他们向我们学习。
我们为了一个好的科研成果，有时候会数据作假；我们为了能够挣到钱，可以放弃自己的道德伦理底线；我们作为一个医生，可以收红包拿回扣；有些老师上课不讲知识点，下班时在辅导班里讲……
而孩子，是向我们学习的。
06.教育究竟是为什么？
教育究竟是为什么，学校究竟是为什么？大学究竟是为什么？
我先引用一下北京大学校长林建华在新上任时做的演讲。他对此做了一个回答。
他说：“北京大学能够为国家和民族的发展贡献一些什么样的力量，国家和民族需要北大做什么？这是北大的使命。”他讲完这句话以后，全场800多人掌声雷动。
但是我们好像早就抛弃这些了，我们认为崇高的东西不值一提。我们需要的是现在能挣到钱吗？但是学生已经不认可了，因为他们不缺钱。这是我们社会的价值观，我们认为能够挣到钱才是人生更大的赢家。
曾经有一个学生，他退学的原因是，学习经济管理根本就不是他想要的。他高考填志愿想学历史的时候被所有人嘲笑，说脑子进水才会学历史。后来这个同学尽管经济学得很好还是要求退学。
十一假期，我带学生们去了万安公墓，因为我要和学生一起找寻生命的价值和意义。我们在公墓当中看到了一个很独特的衣冠冢，这上面是一个老师，叫尹荃。尹荃老师1970年在文革时含冤去世，她没有子女。
19年后她的学生为她在公墓买了墓地，写了这样的悼词：
“ 40年来，循循善诱，陶铸群伦，悉心教职，始终如一，无辜蒙难，备受凌辱，老师一生坦荡清白，了无点污，待人诚恳、处世方正，默默奉身教育事业，终生热爱教师生涯，其情操其志趣足堪今人楷范。”
我不知道我们在座的教育工作者在人生走到尽头的时候，有多少学生会对你有这样的评价或者肯定。
我要说的是，教育本身是非常神圣的职业，但是如果我们把教育只是当作一个谋生的工具，当作获得金钱的一个手段，或者实现自己其他目标的话，当然这是一种选择，但是我会觉得我们似乎放弃了最重要的东西。
07.把丢掉的东西捡回来！
我在这儿还想提一个问题，这是我经过这些事情以后的思考。
我跟那些空心病的学生交流时，他们为什么找不到自己？因为他们自己的父母和老师没有能够让他们看到一个人怎么样有尊严、有价值、有意义地活着，这个大概是根本原因。
我想问大家也问我自己：我们尊重自己吗？我们尊重自己的职业吗？我们有没有把自己的职业当作是一种使命和召唤，去体会其中的深切的含义？
作为父母，我们把时间和精力都花在了哪里？我们有没有给孩子真正的爱和陪伴？
在这个买椟还珠的时代，我觉得我们扔掉了很多东西。我们像婴儿一样，只追求即刻的满足。当我们把所有时间和精力都放在挣钱上，没有给孩子最好的陪伴和爱，这时候孩子不出问题才怪。
我们现在的咨询量成倍地增长，50%，100%的增长，我们危机干预发生频率也是百分之百增长，孩子进学校之前他们就已经绝望了。
所以作为一个高校的心理咨询师和心理科医生，我呼吁：真的要救救孩子！他们带着严重的问题进入高校，进入大学，他们被应试教育，被掐着脖子的教育摧残了创造力。
有一位研究生导师给我讲了一个真实的故事。
他说一个学生做研究老出问题，是非常小儿科的问题。这个导师找他谈话，问他为什么出现这些问题，怎么办？这个学生是笔试第一进来的，他说：“老师，那我把我犯的错误重抄一百遍。”
一个研究生，用重抄一百遍的方式改正他的错误。我们这些孩子根本没有长大，还在小学阶段。
教育干什么去了？我觉得我们无论是家长还是老师，都要去做值得学生和孩子尊重的人，我们要身体力行，做出榜样。
我们要给他们世上最美好的东西，不是分数，不是金钱，是爱，是智慧，是创造和幸福，请许给他们一个美好的人生！
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